Based on: Pirates of the Caribbean (2003)
The Pirates of the Caribbean series has been a huge hit for both its star Johnny Depp and Disney. And before that was a popular ride at Disneyland since the 60’s. Pirates, produced by Digital Playground, and Adam and Eve, also follows on from this success. Based on the films rather than ride. Though I’m sure in some communities a ride would also be very welcome.
Pirates opens with a young couple who are about to consummate their marriage. Soon after breaking cherries their ship is attacked by the vicious pirate Stagnetti and his band of men (and women). They want the groom, so they can stick a knife in him to locate the location of some treasure they cannot locate. His wife is thrown overboard and the ship is sunk.
Some amount of time later she is picked up by Captain Reynolds, a naive, wannabe pirate hunter with little to no success. He reluctantly takes up the challenge to hunt down Stagnetti and rescue her husband.
Pirates is a highly impressive piece. The sets and costumes are very well done, with the exterior ship set being the best. Though it did help with the fact that those scenes were shot on a actual replica of the HMS Bounty. They apparently neglected to mention to the owners that the particular film that they were shooting would be slightly pornographic.
The plot follows some similarities with the first Pirates of the Caribbean film however the Johnny Depp, Jack Sparrow inspired character, Stagnetti, now becomes the villain, with little to no redeeming features. The hero of the story is now Reynolds, played by Evan Stone, who surprisingly is quite a good and likeable character actor.
Sex scenes: The sex scenes typically seem to last just under or around 10 minutes. Which seems like a good length. We get time for a good variety of couplings and the plot doesn’t at all seem rushed to move on to the next one. They do seem to have taken their time to give the story space. A lot of parodies and indeed other story driven porno’s seem to follow a formal of 5 minutes of story followed by 30 minutes of sex. Which probably begs the question, how much sex is enough for a single scene?
With the sex itself we get plenty of straight couples, a FFM threesome and three, yes three, lesbian scenes. Which completely surprised me. A lot of the time we are lucky to get one. The actual sex does however seem a bit too aggressive for my liking. There’s quite a bit of flipping bodies over, grabbing by the neck and choking on dick. Jesse Jane gets so much dick down (or up in this case) her throat I can’t tell if she's trying also give the guys balls a lick atthe same time or just swallow them as well. The lesbian scenes as well could do with a bit more sensuality, instead we get a lot of flipping, throwing, grabbing. Everyone seems to be in a rush to take everything all at once. One scene features Jenaveve Jolie (the only non-blonde woman in the film) with Carmen Luvana, enacting some girl on girl at a bachelor party, I found this to be one the best sex scenes of the film, maybe also because Jolie was probably my favourite gal of the film, though I was a bit put off with the over the top “yars” and pirate talk from the men watching.
The film is undeniably well made. And at a budget of $1 million, you would expect so. It has a kind of quality a TV movie or any straight to video release should aim for. And it was well received as well, winning several awards. An R-rated version was also released, quite possibly to push the film into other markets, such as late night TV, or possibly for those who want to watch a porno but without all those off putting sex scenes. A follow up was soon made, and like with most sequels it tried to up the ante with a budget of $8 million, making it possibly one of the most expensive films ever made. I have yet to see it, but I have seen the trailer and it looks like a definite sex fest. Pirates is the film that anyone making a porn parody should aspire to.
