Rockey X: The Final Round (1988)

Based on: Rocky series (1976-present)

Bizarrely the opening has a different spelling for Rockey.

So first off, I have not seen the first film. Second; this is a sequel. Probably should have mentioned that first. Of course there’s always that joke when it comes to porno, “Oh I haven’t seen the previous films so I might not follow the story. LOL.” However this isn’t Spooge Tits Part 32, or any nonsense like that. No. It’s Rockey X, and it has a story, albeit a very simple one. And thankfully you pretty much get the gist of the originals story.

The film starts with boxer Rockey Laguna (Jerry Butler) bedridden after getting brutally beaten by Drax Spago (Buck Adams), loosing the title. Waking up from unconsciousness he is immediately told his beloved wife was killed in a car accident. Upon hearing this, Laguna instantly reminisces getting blown by her. However before all that we are introduced to this nemesis Drax Spago, who is dressed like a reject from Warriors with a rather flashy fishing lure hanging from his face. He’s busy growling at a poor woman to stop touching him, but instead simply bite his cock off. We can instantly get an idea of what kind of guy he is, a total dick.

“Shall I jack off on you like the slut you are?” inquires Drax.

After 6 weeks of lying around in bed everyone around Rockey (well his coach and nurse) is pushing for him to get back in to training and reclaim the title. After loosing his wife his motivation is at an all time low. He snaps at the nurse who is only trying to help. “You don’t know what its like!” to some extent he says. She fires back at him, telling him how much worse she’s had it. Her husband was shot when she fell pregnant and before that at aged 13 her father molested her because she had the biggest tits on the block (a claim which Rockey would later make light of). With his problems put in perceptive he calms down and apologises. He then tells her that her touch reminds him a lot of his deceased wife and asks if she wouldn’t mind holding him. She obliges and holds him tight in her arms. He feels comfort in her caring embrace. This of course leads to sex.

With the emotional healing process taken care of, Rockey is ready to get back in the ring. He gets back in to training which consists on mainly jogging. I’m no sports expert so I’m going to assume that is all that is required. Drax on the other hand is a bastard, so the only training he needs is to snort mountains of cocaine with the odd injection of steroids. He gives up on proper training when he couldn’t find the protein powder.

After a few more sex scenes including two featuring Mr Ron Jeremy, we’re in the ring! And he’s straight down! Rockey that is. But he gets up! …and he’s back down. This is not looking good. In fact it’s a bit embarrassing. Eventually he gets to throw a few punches himself. It now looks like he may have a chance. Drax sits down in his corner and demands a pick me up. His coach slips some sort white powder on his mouth guard with zero discretion. Even the commentators see it. Drax gets back up and is straight down! In fact he’s dead. Just like that. But my friends it wasn’t Rockey that killed the beast, no. It was the drugs.

And that’s it. But wait, it isn’t. Butler and Adams come back with something important to say. It turns that this feature was a cautionary tale about the dangers of drug abuse. “If you ever think about smoking cocaine, don’t!” they tell us. Though cocaine isn’t smoked in this film, so I’m not sure why they brought up this method. They then tell us that the industry recently lost a legend because of drug abuse, and that was John C Holmes. Who actually did appear in the first film as Drax’s coach. Although technically Holmes actually died because of the aids virus, though he was an addict for a lot of his later life. I’m not too sure why they said this. Perhaps to get the message across or perhaps it was purely speculation. Despite this I have no objections to the message they are trying to promote, however a porno is an odd place to put it. It kind of reminds of sitcoms aimed at teens from the 90s where there’s always that one episode that tries to tackle a serious subject and has the members of the cast come on at the end to explain everything. In fact I do remember an episode of Saved By The Bell that looked at the dangers of smoking. President Bill Clinton himself came on the at the end to tell us that “Smoking is not cool!” Anyway back to this porno.

Rockey X: The Final Round is a late 80s title that was shot on video. The editing is all over the place and a bit confusing at times. In one shot Rockey is lounging around outside when his coach tries to get him motivated and some what succeeds. This is then followed by Rockey in bed with his nurse complaining how he has been lying there for nearly 6 weeks. With the sex scenes the male/female ratio is 1:1. However the film feels very male dominated, with the all the women reduced to roles such as a girlfriend, nurse or prostitute. Mainly a prostitute. As a parody it can’t really stray to far from the the source material. The original sequels throughout are basically the same; Rocky faces a new challenger, looses, gets back into training and finally has a rematch. At least in Rockey X however we actually get to see the outcome of the fight and not have to wait until the next film.

Though I call this a parody it isn’t really in the sense of a comedy. It’s pretty serious throughout, yet it doesn’t seem to anymore hard hitting than your average soap opera of the time.