Based on: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)
Ah Solo. The Star Wars film that not one asked for. A saying that implies that that is a bad thing. However no one really asked the first Star Wars and look how that turned out. But in this case, not many people were too excited about Solo either. But why not, after all Han is one of the most beloved characters. Perhaps it’s Disney’s fault. Ever since they acquired the rights to the franchise they have being going nuts with a new sequel trilogy, Rogue One, Rebels and Resistance animated series and much more on it’s way. They are reeling out an excessive amount in such a small amount of time that it’s given even the most harden fans a bit of fatigue. Plus lumped in with the fact that there had been much disappointment with the way the sequel trilogy was handled, the latest of which had only been released about 6 months before Solo.
I won’t ever proclaim to being the biggest Star Wars fan, but I do love the series. Rebels is a fantastic show and I am hugely looking forward to the Mandalorian series this November. However with Solo, like most, I wasn’t expecting much. There have many story’s already about a young Han, there’s even a Han Solo novel trilogy, so this movie isn’t exactly breaking new ground. Yet it didn’t seem right, perhaps it was someone other than Harrison Ford playing Solo, perhaps it felt like an easy cash in on a beloved character, or perhaps it was just unnecessary. That’s exactly how the prequel trilogy felt to me at times. Unnecessary. It seems to me sometimes that the formula for a Star Wars prequel was to find a spoken line in the original films that refers to the past and make that in to something. When Obi-Wan said, “Your father and I fought in the clone wars,” that become a 5+ season animated series (albeit a very good one). So this film pretty much as expected would be about how Han made the “Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs.” Or at least that was a small part of it. In fact everything you could image a young Han Solo film be about, pretty much happens in this movie. How Han met Chewy, how Han met Lando, how Han first came across the Millennium Falcon, how Han won Falcon from Lando, how Han did the Kessel run… Everything of significance that we all know of Hans past, happens in this movie, and bizarrely all happens in the same week!
Despite that Solo actually is a good movie. It’s at the very least entertaining. I wasn’t disappointed. But still it felt unnecessary, a shameless nostalgia cash in. Speaking of which…
Digital Playgrounds’s Hand Solo. Made just one month before Solo was released this parody follows an original plot but interestingly have a few parallels.
The film on the DVD starts bizarrely with a trailer self promoting itself. After the familar In a Galaxy Long Ago text we go straight into the story. Han Solo (Danny D) works in a dead-end job as a barman in a strip club. He over hears about a job to retrieve some Spice from a cargo ship that has been attacked and abandoned. It’s a job that could lead to fame and fortune, but its also a dangerous job that no one is willing to take. A stripper called Rina (Valentina Nappi) who wields a lightsaber, and may or may not be a Jedi, wants to tag along. There’s a clear sexual tension between the two. The only thing he needs now is a ship. Solo spots his dear old friend Lando (or Bando depending on who’s talking) (Isiah Maxwell) sitting right next to him and sees an opportunity.
At Rina’s insistence they play game of chance. Han isn’t too pleased by the choice of game, but it’s quicker than a game of Sabacc. If Han wins they get to borrow Lando’s ship (a Millennium Falcon clone with wings tacked on), if they loose Lando gets to screw Rina. Lando roles a dice annnnnd he wins.This would of course been a good time for Rina to put her Jedi skills to use and cheat, however we later find that despite all her efforts she’s still quite useless. Even though it would been futile she could of at least tried. But then this is a porno, so screwing comes first. Solo slinks off whilst the two get it on. Rina doesn’t seem too displeased with the outcome, perhaps that’s the way she wanted it. As the two undress, Rina unbuckles her belt carrying her lightsaber and with a great thump tosses it somewhere on the floor. She really is a terrible Jedi. Yes sex is the focus right now, but thats no way to treat a weapon. And you have to be pretty confident in your surroundings to just toss it aside. Anyway half an hour later the story carries on. Whilst Lando basks in the afterglow of poon, Rina grabs the start up codes for his ship. Either way the bet was pure win-win, for her at least.
After the session is complete they make it to the abandoned cargo ship. They are soon finished but have to hurry as their oxygen tanks are almost empty. Suddenly Boba (or Choda) Fett turns up with a red chick (Carly Rae), who also want the booty. Han throws away his oxygen mask away as that seems to no longer be an issue. They duke it out until the Empire turns up. Boba flees in the Falcon taking the girls with him, Whilst Han and Screwy are captured. The red alien chick doesn’t much appreciate working for Boba and so teams up with Rina and Nomi to save Han and Screwball. Reddy and Nomi offers Fett their bodies if he agrees to turn the ship around. Another thump is heard giving me deja vu, this time Nomi throwing aside her glasses. What’s with these girls? After the threeway, they go back and save the day. In which Rina finally proves herself to have some sort of Jedi powers by making her saber fly into her grasp. Reunited, Han and Rina have sex, whilst no doubt everyone else waits around so they can at last leave. The film ends with everyone having a celebration party back at the strip club. With Black Sun, the gang who wanted the spice in the first place, pleased it looks like more work is on the way for Solo from the Hutts.
There are a few similarities with the film it’s based on, they seem to check a few of the same expected plot points. How Han met Chewy, the 12 parsec thing and even both ending with them being in line for more work from the Hutts. Han even dons the iconic ensemble we see in Star Wars being a good lead in. Which seems to fit fine being it used to be Nomis. The film is also littered with familiar lines from the original series; “Never tell me the odds,” “Aren’t you a bit short for a Storm trooper?” etc… Which seems like a good nod, however kind of feels out of place. The set pieces and costumes are all fantastic, especially the Wookiee costume, and I was quiet impressed with the battle scenes on board the ships. Outside the ships we see some pretty basic but respectable CGI, however its kept to minimal and is in keeping with the budget. If I was to change anything it would perhaps have a few external shot scenes on a planet, however this doesn’t particularly fit in with the plot.
On to the actors; For Solo we have a fairly international cast; American, British and Italian. Quality of acting varies, some great, some poor. Nappi’s accent sometimes makes it hard to hear what shes actually saying. Danny D, I must does a good job as the young Solo. The girls are overall pretty good looking, I especially like Nappi and she’s looks fantastically sexy in her uniform. I wish I could of seen more of the British woman (not sure of her name) at the end who played the Imperial Officer, however she stays fully clothed.
Sex scene wise we get 3 M/F couples and one M/F/F threesome. Its mainly standard stuff, perhaps they could have been cut down and bit and given a bit more variety. I felt the threeway has deeply lacking in girl on girl interaction, though the whole point of the scene was to please Fett, not each other. And of course this is just my personal preference. The final scene could would have made a fantastic orgy scene especially if it included the girls we don’t see get naked. Maybe we could even see Screwy get some action, or would that be too weird?
Despite all that its a very accomplished piece, but then this isn’t DPs first foray into the world of Star Wars as they have had two other titles, Star Wars: The Last Temptation and a piece with original characters; Star Wars: Underworld. If they made another, I would certainly welcome it. And I should also mention the DVD artwork is too a fantastic imitation of the Solo poster. I’d say if you had DVD sitting on your shelf it would be quite a while before someone noticed it was porn.
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